Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize