Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
