Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
