girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize