1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
