Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't turn off my feet"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
