I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
