What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
