her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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