Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
