Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
