If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
