Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
