How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just pee around me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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