guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
