I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
