I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
