We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
