I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
