I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
