i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
