I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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