You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
