I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And then he peed in my hair
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
