Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
