I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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