After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
