Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
