I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
