I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
should my penis look like a turkey
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
