I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
