i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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