Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
