You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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