You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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