I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
