her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
