oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
