do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
