So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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