Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
