just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
