I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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