I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
