I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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