Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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