eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize