Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
