Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
