No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
