On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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