I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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