He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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