Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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