I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize