i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize