He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
