why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
did you just send me my own nude
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
