im having a threesome with these popsicles
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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