you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
