if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
