Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
