Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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