would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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