is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
