Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
