His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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