Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
