wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
