There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize