he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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