just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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