I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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