You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
